On matters of the mind

Life transitions are notoriously hard on people. There is a marked rise in mental health issues during transitions. After having my muse I had my own challenges with the transition. 

When I'm waiting in line - at a cash register, or to get in somewhere - I find it really hard to carry on a conversation. Half of my mind is hyper-vigilant to any changes that will need my attention. The other half of my mind is half-heartedly engaged in conversation. 

And that's what I started to feel like a few months after I had my bebe. I felt like I couldn't focus because I needed to make sure that she would nap. When she was napping I was obsessing about the length of her nap. When she wasn't napping I was obsessing about her next nap.

It was really awesome.

I went to my doctor and she referred me to the Women's Mental Health Program, and this help changed my life. Through some very talented people I was able to stop my mind and be in the moment.

Last week Michael Landsberg wrote this article (http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=375694)about Wade Belak's death and struggles with mental health. It was beautiful, and heartbreaking. I cried. There is a stigma with mental struggles, but everyone has their moments - if you need help please make sure you get it. Here is the place that helped me transition:

Random other pictures

When I first started to come to Toronto to see my boyfriend...now husband...I loved coming by train, and one of the most favourite parts of my ride was the grass art just north of the Gardiner. There are days when I pass by the grass art and think nothing of it, and other days when I pass the grass art and think nostalgic thoughts about the days when Toronto was this big exciting place. The buildings were so big, there were so many cars, and they even had grass art!  Is it obvious that I grew up in a town that only recently got it's second stop light?


I took some shots today of the traffic and the grass art to remind that the city is still big and exciting. Stop. Breathe. Enjoy.

TTC, GO transit, traffic.
*safety note:   I was a passenger at the time*

Sometime someone gets tired and lies down....but as soon as you catch her, she scampers off! It's too cute.

oh crap - she caught me lying down.

found a sweet shot of Miss Lauren that I HAD to publish. Don't you love that sweet face?

oh crap! who would have thought that this dollhouse had an alarm system!?!

Bedtime is the best time

I've always loved bed time with my little muse. She's extra snugly....meaning that she will actually sit still in your lap for longer than a second. 


Bedtime usually takes 30-40 minutes+ because we wind down upstairs, which usually means that she pulls all the books out of the bookshelf, throws all of her toys on the ground and runs around like a crazy person.  I love it.


She's also started to do this hilarious thing; she will pick up a book and walk towards you, turn around, and back up into your lap.  This is your cue to read to her. If you move, she will hunt you down and back into you until you read to her. We were able to capture some shots of her post lap-attack.  And...gasp...I made it into a picture!  Doesn't my lovely husband take some nice shots?

loves....

I also did a mom-baby self-portrait after reading an article about the photographer mom always being the shadow in the picture.  I made it in this one :)

did you know that babies smell the best ever?

Then my little muse got tired of being all loved up by her mom, and moved on to a love affair with her 'Bun'

loves her 'Bun'

Always multi-tasking.  I've got things to do mom!

this is actually cheaper than daycare......hmmmmm.....

curled up in a chair. bottle. 'Bun'
sometimes it's cool to be a baby.

Ain't No Party Like A Baby Party!

I live in a pretty industrial area, so it's funny that pretty much every night there is a street party in front of my house. Usually one or two of us comes out front, and then slowly all the moms (and sometimes dads) come out of the woodwork; peeking around the corner holding a toy and a baby. 

you thought I was lying when I said street party!  or.....daycare party?

It's actually one of my favourite parts of the day; relaxing outside with my muse, connecting with neighbours, watching their little ones grow, and being able to do this all while my little one scampers around.  We catch up, and the little ones run amok.


The weather was beautiful today and I couldn't resist taking some shots.


I shot a few of Miss Lauren, I've shot her a few times and she's always so calm and patient.  I have never seen such a well behaved toddler.....which isn't saying much considering my little hurricane.    

Little Lauren makes me laugh, always so serious when I pull out the camera.

Two dogs had to fight to get this smile out of her.....I had nothing to do with it

Requisite 'posing by my first car' picture

It's lovely to see these little scamps all grow up and to hear their recent developments (and to provide moral support for any mini set-backs).  I love my neighbourhood and my neighbours.

And finally....a few shots of my muse.  She's walking so so well....and has finally stopped holding her arms in T-rex form. Who looks so darn BIG!

finally able to walk sans 't-rex arms'

sneaky darlings

Good morning workday

Burning candle at both ends trying to figure out how to balance it all. Wondering....do I cherish this moment forever?


Work Cellphone. Check.
RSA ID. Check
Personal Cellphone. Check
Wireless mouse. Check
Good morning workday.

Went for a gritty, gloomy blue feel here because it felt right. Also, I made my very first action today.  Exciting, right?

I've got the power!

Shot this this morning while I was waiting for the GO Train to arrive.  Because I missed the first train.  Because I split my pants, just as I was running out the door. 


Ahhh....mornings!

A place so dangerous it needs two signs.
I can put my arm back on, but you can't. So play safe.

Taste of the Kingsway

This weekend it was Taste of the Kingsway.  We ventured out, saw the sights and ate some really amazing poutine from The Poutine Machine.  


So, I guess 'technically' we didn't really 'taste' the Kingsway as there is no poutine restaurant on the strip....


Oh well, here are some pictures from the day.

on our way to the fair!

Dear Diary. Today was the best day ever.  I went on the swings. It was awesome.

Dear Diary.  I forgot something.  I also got my face painted.  No really, it was the best day EVER.

Ran into our neighbours and had a mini playdate while the husbands checked out the beer tent.

How cute is this little man?

I happened to snap a picture of these two ladies on the train.
This may be one of my new favourite pictures!

Emily's best friend just got new glasses - doesn't she look so sweet?

9/11, 2011

I still can't believe that it's been ten years. The passage of time seems to keep increasing at a terribly rapid pace. Sometimes I feel like I can't catch up.


Like, how many provinces does Canada have? Did you know you don't 'have' to put two spaces after a period anymore? Seriously, what good was my primary school education?


Either way, much will change between now and the time my muse is thirty. Today is one of those days where I felt forced to reflect on the fact that the world Emily knows will be vastly different from my world.  


Touch screens will always have existed, the internet and cell phones will always have existed, 9/11 will always have existed.


As a child I remember my parents talking about the Kennedy assassination and I always had a 'so what, what's the big deal' attitude about it. But I get it now. It's hard not to fixate on a date that changed the world.


So, against my usual 'no tv' rules, I sat my muse in front of the TV and we ate breakfast as we watched the reading of the names during today's tribute. 

The full suite, Miss Elle.

I finally finished editing the series of miss Elle today.  She really is a muse in her own right, I couldn't stop looking at her pictures and ended up finding another gem in her set to edit.  The last one is the last pic that I ended up choosing.  The original was over exposed and the colour washed out.  It didn't look great at all.  But I'm so glad that I included it.  

perched in the garden, sweet as can be

My muse oversaw the shoot.  She was a little blase about it all.

I love happy mama moments

I almost ate her, right about.....now

This is not a stunt baby.  Seriously, she IS this cute.

Don't you just love baby and dad moments

Miss Elle just started clapping and was pretty darn
pleased with herself, she wasn't the only one.

This may be one of my new favourite pics.  The connection with her mom is so lovely.
This picture nearly encapsulates everything I though being a mother would look like.

peeking through the bushes..... 

Deep in concentration, a cerebral little lady

Art director in training

This picture makes me a bit weepy. Elle had a little stumble and her mom scooped her up
 and gave her some love. I feel lucky to have captured such a beautiful, touching moment.

M & L, thanks for letting me shoot your little one. She is so sweet, so chill and so. damn. cute.